Today, grocery shopping. Where do these mothers come from? You know, the ones with the well-behaved children sitting happily in the shopping carts? I would like them to teach a class to us mothers with the screaming miniatures, torturing all who enter the same grocery isle, deafening all within earshot. I have been at this game for 8 years, ever judgemental of all those who actually HIRE A BABYSITTER so they can shop without children! Or worse, pon them off on the well-manipulated relative only to call every so often to ask, "I just have one more stop to make, it shouldn't take long. Do you mind if I'm just a little longer?" Only to pretend not to hear the exhaustion or frustration coming from the poor frazzled relative.

Yes, I said "ever judgemental". After all, my mother had SEVEN children and she took us all with her. Sure we grew up in the day that it was still considered "safe" to leave your kids in the car while you shopped for an hour, when seat belts and car seats were a frivolous option, before Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel spouted commercial after commercial for the latest stupid toy that, in reality, looks great on TV, but only gets played with for a grand total of 10 minutes per year. You know, the 100 toys that your kids beg for beg for beg for beg for beg for..... until you just want to scream, "SHUUUUTTT UUUPPPP!!!" Nevertheless, we cannot. We must keep our cool because we all know that I am not the only judgemental mother in that store. No. We are EVERYWHERE! Forcing false smiles and calm temperaments on all those who are only minutes away from developing permanent crazy ticks, flinching at the slightest movement, lashing out at the smallest perceived insult. "What do you mean, do I need help?! Do I LOOK like I need HELP?! Do you want to rephrase your question, Sales Clerk?!"

So, today as I walked into the dreaded big blue building with three beautiful children in tow, I took a deep breath, held it in for three seconds, and slowly released, just as my psych 101 professor taught. I knew what I was in for. I always do. So, why don't I pack a snack and liquid for these kids? Why do I always say, "I don't think I'll need wet wipes, I'll only be a minute." Maybe it's my persistent blind desire to have everything go perfectly. Who knows. So, as I'm "calmly" asking my 25 month old to step off the 18 pack of eggs, and "gently" request that my older children stop running all around, jumping, screaming, chasing, lagging, etc., etc., my mind runs through those relatives who may be "willing" to watch my kids as I, "run a few errands." But, no. I must not. I ponder the possibility that I may actually be SAVING money if I pay a babysitter.

Now, I am home. I have had a few hours to calm down and put things in perspective. And guess what? My kids are AWESOME! They really are. They are full of talent, love, energy, curiosity, optimism, an amazing amount of patience, and thankfully, forgiveness. They deserve a mother who can re-evaluate their behavior as well as her own. They deserve a mother who can find the self-control, patience, and yes, long-suffering it may take to overcome the grocery store frenzy. So, the kids are screaming, maybe I can try to understand why. So, they want all the toys they see on commercials, maybe I should play with them more and turn off the dang TV. They want to run and jump and chase each other. Maybe those other frenzied mothers should just get out of the way. Just kidding! That's one we may need to work on. But do you get my attempt at philosophy? Hopefully I can do more than just write about it.

Have a great day, and good luck shopping during this time of year! Maybe I'm not the only one with the babysitter on speed-dial.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Merry Christmas everyone!

What a year! What a SEASON! You know I'd be lying if I said this has been my favorite Christmas season. To be honest, I've been kind of hum-buggin' it. We put up the tree early, but I was SO not in the mood for Christmas-time that I ordered the remaining Christmas decor back into the garage! I suppose I could say I'm learning the wisdom of the old adages, "choose your battles," "learn to say 'no", "don't bite off more than you can chew", "Don't put too much on your plate" (although, one of the wisest women I know pointed out - and rightly, I think - that some people have very SMALL plates). You get my drift. But, if you know me even a little, you know that I learn better from trudging through misery than by the simplicity of LISTENING to good advice! I think I'm just plain old POOPED.

Yesterday was our traditional Christmas party. The one we have at my parents home, Santa is also invited. It is so much fun! I truly love being around my family. I love the interaction, the personalities meshing, the appreciation of what our parents have accomplished. I love watching the kids light up as Santa jollies through Grandma's door. I love the feelings of positivity coming from the people who know you best, yet still seem to believe that despite your faults, you are one of the most amazing people in the world! I love being there with my husband and my children and knowing they, too, are wrapped in the cocoon of love this family has provided me from birth. However, yesterday was also a very hard day for reasons which some of you may already know and yet are too personal to write about in a public blog. But how wonderful, how amazing, and what a blessing from Heavenly Father that even as I felt I would not desire a smile for the rest of my life I still found myself doubling over in both pain and laughter as my animated brother told story after story, joke after joke. Giggling at my grand-nephew (makes me sound old) as he continually yelled to Santa, "I want Bumblebee!" Melting as my husband hovered and hugged, ever ready to spare me of extra pain. Overwhelmed with love as my children hugged me. My Nikoli doing his best to keep me as happy as can be,"Mom, you don't have to worry about me because I already ate. Not only junk food, either. Healthy stuff, like turkey." To me, yesterday was one of those "tender mercies" Heavenly Father gives even when we feel like we are on the brink of collapse. I truly believe that! I believe that when we are so bogged down by life and trials, pain, suffering, stress, or whatever, Heavenly Father sends us tender mercies. He loves us. I hope I can remember the realization that Heavenly Father made sure I would be surrounded with love even when I felt I had love ripped away. He loves me. He loves us all.

Today is a day of rest. I am taking it slow in my pj's all day. A rare treat. However, I'm in the bread baking mood. After watching Julie and Julia I am inspired not only to blog, but to make French Bread. I'm sure my enthusiasm will wane when my bread comes out a little too hard, but I'm still up for the challenge.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone! I hope that even after the excitement of new gifts, Christmas lights, and reindeer wear off, we are all able to remember the love we felt at Christmas time.